We often hear the guys complaining about the harm they have to pick up girls on Tinder. It does not really surprise me, since I spend 95% of my time sweeping to the left. If you wonder why your matches are so rare or why they dodge you quickly, do not look too far: you are probably wrong.
I could not resist Tinder. I used this miserable app for almost a year. Before I uninstalled it recently, I had hundreds of matches a day – a real social gang bang, and lots of numbers and Snapchat accounts blocked. I scrolled through the profiles one after the other for hours and I was able to identify some common mistakes made by the guys. Treat me succubus, hate me, but I’m here to give you some tips as a seasoned user.
Avoid group photos as profile photos
No one wants to waste time wondering who you are on your photo – especially if this group photo is your main profile photo. It is safer not to do it.
From my little experience, it seems that guys are scared to take a selfie. It’s an unjustified fear, seriously. OK, you could be ashamed if your buddies came across this photo, but remember that Tinder is a digital incarnation of agonistic capitalism: if you fail to sell yourself, you will not get anywhere. It’s sad, but if you downloaded Tinder, you accept the rules that regulate this world.
Do not tell anything in your biography
When it comes to introducing yourself, stay at a minimum. Make it short, a few sentences are enough – one or two lines to show us that you are a creative man, funny and that you have other particularly enviable traits. However, you do not have to indicate your height or other physical characteristics. It would be redundant – since, I remind you, your selfie is there to testify – and it would imply that you spend your time contemplating your triceps in front of your mirror. Nobody wants a man who spends his time contemplating his triceps.
The few profiles mentioned will give you an idea of the biographies to avoid at all costs:
“I am my own boss and I have six cars. Dude, I think you’d better join En Marche and stop pissing off your passion for free enterprise, uberisation and Friedrich Hayek.
“Swipe to the right if you have other topics of conversation than reality and celebrities + emoji police car + no drug addict. So, respect. Nothing to say, under the tune of a guy a little above the crowd, the type to gargle Xavier Dolan’s latest films and Wes Anderson, you’re actually a sinister con, determined to spread on Earth your verve worn out and to praise the most conventional guys.
[A huge text box] You will not regurgitate the words of a song of R. Kelly to catch should have been one of the ten commandments given to Moses on Mount Sinai. It’s also true for NLP, Jul, Kendrick Lamar and all the stuff that makes you think you’re an ironic or moralizing guy.
“I have my own opinion about women, prove me wrong. In addition to your profile picture that suggests that you have a limited sense of humor, you brilliantly show all the women on the app that you are a big misogynist. Good luck to you, the adventurer.
As long as we do, let’s talk about the use of animals on Tinder
According to a number of human beings animals are cute, delicate and much more interesting than homo sapiens. I agree with that. So I have something to reveal to you: I myself swiped to the right because of a dog or a cute cat. It can really work, everything depends on the girl. However, there are certain limits to respect.
In all the profiles above, you can observe ineffective ways to stage animals: to bring up a ton of dead birds to emphasize your deadly masculinity, take a selfie in close-up with a horse, leave to hear that you are used to hitting a three-year-old girl with a dead fish too. All this equates to a swipe to the left without discussion.
Get inspired by the two guys who follow. Mate me this super cute cat (one eye?) Or this man majestically riding a horse in an idyllic landscape. Yes, it’s cliché, but is not life a succession of clichés that accumulate to constitute a mountain named Reality?
As long as we do, let’s talk about the use of non-living elements on Tinder
No doubt, you want to show your strength. Some women may be seduced but they are not the majority. No, most women will think you are nerdy, fetishistic or emotionless. The guy on the left is working in a restaurant. So OK, the meat cuts are enticing, but do you really want to evoke a passion for BBQ during your first date? And the guy on the right, let’s talk about it for a few seconds. Why, man? WHY ? Your living room is not necessarily impressive and the presence of two screens and a wireless keyboard suggests that you spend your time killing pre-pubescent teenagers on Counter-Strike. Do you really think you can kiss on a table whose strength is matched only by charisma?
Avoid the super likes
As far as I’m concerned, I still have a stomach cramp when I get a super like notification on my phone, which is common for those who have Tinder Gold accounts with unlimited super Likes. I do not have a real explanation but nine times out of ten super likes come from disgusting guys, who make me shiver at the idea of copulating with them.
One of the first guys I met through Tinder had contacted me via a super like: we had ended up sleeping together twice and I had ignored him because he became obsessed and possessive. Now, I take super likes as warning signs.
Do not lie about your intentions
When it comes time to meet, some men are very vague about their true intentions. If you want to fuck – which is probably the case – say it clearly instead of remaining falsely modest. Do not pretend to be looking for a “good meeting”. In my humble opinion, most women prefer to know what to expect rather than go for a drink and then grab their crotch after five minutes of meeting.
Nevertheless, open the conversation with a “we fuck? Or “I’m going to play it like Rocco” is not a very good idea. Once again, the goal is not to scare women. Take the temperature by exchanging some messages then place some lecherous allusions to see if she may be interested.
Start the conversation carefully
Here are several things to avoid when starting a conversation about Tinder (site) : being nerdy – “What, did not you listen to the latest Frank Ocean?!? – or too hip – “What, did not you see Tino Sehgal’s non-exhibition at the Palais de Tokyo?!? », Be in need or ask a perfect stranger to offer you a birthday present.
If you want my opinion, the best is to be simple. A “Hey, how are you? Or one of its variants is sufficient. If not, ask a trivial question about a detail mentioned in the presentation of the girl in question.
Choose carefully the place of the first Tinder Date
First of all, never ask, I mean never, a woman to come to your home for your first meeting. Or, insert this option among others. If she brings up the idea, go for it. Know that you can not order a woman as we order a pizza.